I have to start by saying I've only attempted mediation once before, and failed miserably at it. Ive sat in silence and focused on my breathing, thought whimsical meditationy thoughts about rivers and trees, then jumped from those visions to find myself wondering if I left the laundry in the washer or if that really fat pigeon I saw was able to fly far distances.
I am gifted with a busy mind (and body) that haven't stopped moving since I was born. In recent years Ive fought against my need to talk, to move, to be active and interactive, all in vain. In reading and continuing my studies through learning about myself and other I have found that to fight against who I am is simply just another things I busy myself with. Why bother, right? I'm not hurting myself by being social, I don't think I'm hurting the universe either.
I recently again in my life found myself wondering about religions and beliefs, why we have the ideas of God [in any form] and why it creates such controversy. Honestly I have no idea. I believe that in some way all religions are connected in the central idea that there is a great power in us all to be divine and pure in our own lives. But then... religious affiliates are so aggressive in their manners at times that I wonder if they truly understand what they are fighting for. Be fore you turn away an cast the idea my direction that I am some crazy liberal hippy that doesn't know a thing about religion because "how can you know if you havent yadda yadda..." please consider that maybe, I don't know. An d I'm ok with that. I'm ok with not knowing every verse of a bible or chant of a mantra. I don't know what spiritual concepts guide me and I honestly couldn't even narrow down what religion really is. But I WANT to know. This is my new journey.
Ive begun a more continual and daily practice of Yoga stretching and relaxation and I hope to soon find a time in my days for mediation and reflection on the bustle. I wont be scouting down a guru and moving to a temple in a far off land [just yet] but I think it will be interesting to discover what it all becomes as a whole.
I see those around me dashing from here to there, busy in their need to do what ever it is they are doing and wonder why we are always, as a species, so busy. Ive found that the less I talk the more people ask, "are you ok?" like my silence is a sign of a greater illness and not just me listening to what they have to say. I know its weird because I am essentially a compulsive talker, but I need to learn to really listen.
Its strange to think that I suddenly at the age of 26 think its time to figure out what this whole religion thing is all about and decide for myself how i feel about it in an informed manner. ut heck, who knows what Ill find and who knows how Ill feel. I could emerge a devout atheist from this all but who cares really. Its a journey Im ready to take.
Until I know. Im just going to keep reading, trying and doing yoga in my living room.
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